Being ISTJ - January 2021

Never did I ever had my personality being tested just because I was very confident that I know myself very well that nobody in this entire world needs to tell me what kind of person I am. That's how confident I can be. Young and dumb. 

It begins when I meet Daniel, a steward who helped us with our Hotel Bidan Terjun as we mistakenly book a hotel on the second day of our arrival to Bali. I was very sure that we going to be okay staying at the Bali airport for few hours before checking in. Too high expectation, the Bali airport is naturally airy. We were quite fortunate that Daniel helped us dealing with the hotel reception as he is a balinese. As most of the time, we're talking about our job scopes, working environment and yada yada yada, he asked me what is my Myers-briggs personality and as I wish to look brilliant during that moment, so I took the test for the first time.

I had always be an ENTJ and gradually changed to ISTJ. But I guess after staying on my own for so long, I am turning into an introvert. Last time I remember I always make decision based on my instincts, after being an introvert, it thought me to observe more, thus an observant. I am quite impressed of the extreme spectrum showed on my results as: 71% judging - 29% Prospecting

I know for facts that I can be very judgemental because opinions are opinions and facts are facts, and if other opinion does not align with the facts, it is very unlikely for them to gain my respect especially with those who remain wilfully ignorant of the facts. Believe it or not, I often find myself judging myself more than judging other people. Judging myself on how people might judge me after I judged them. I know this is complex but it is in my trait. And so, I often ended up unreasonably blaming myself for any misjudge or failure as I regards them as my responsibility that only myself alone needs to bear. 

Last week, Radi posted a story about a couple of cats first sight love. I replied with "Why I never experienced this? 😂" I rarely showed to anyone my romantic relationship but since this test had showed me, well I can say that I find more credence of the truth appeared. I am never interested to have a tinder but I find it quite amusing seeing my friends getting to know someone for real through a dating app, surprisingly some of them really walk the aisle as a legal husband and wife. As in my case, I prefer more responsible and conservative methods of dating. It took me forever to get close to new friends and if you find it awkward while talking to me, yes I am awkward indeed. It takes me too much energy to bridge the communication gap, so I gave up on myself a lot and keeping my circle very small. 

Due to my small circle, I mostly work alone. My mum would called me as a Lone Ranger. I have a strong opinions of how things should be done but most of the time I keep it to myself because I don't  know where did I get the idea of my opinion does not matter. Jeez. At times, I'd randomly asked other people for their opinions to compare with mine, whatever their opinions are, I definitely stick to mine and develop new ideas based on their opinions. 

I honestly need to improve myself in becoming more creative rather than always by the book. Logistician value facts more than any thing that is why I get attracted to people to speak based on facts but it kills my creativity over time. I really have no idea how, my mind is empty without books I tell ya. 

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